Thinking About Divorce? What to Do First (Louisiana Guide)

You’re not here because you’ve made a decision. You’re here because you can’t make one, perhaps the most consequential decision of you and your family’s lives.

Maybe it’s been building for years — a slow erosion of something that used to feel solid. Maybe it was one moment, one conversation, one discovery that changed everything. The moment you look at your children, and realize how innocent they are, and the guilt and fear grip you so tight, it’s difficult to breathe. Maybe you don’t even know why you’re Googling this at midnight, only that you are.

If any of this rings as true, this page is for you. Not for the person who’s already filed. Not for the person who’s been served. For the person who’s still lying awake, trapped in indecision.

First: You Don’t Have to Decide Anything Right Now

Thinking about divorce is not the same as getting one. You’re allowed to sit with this, and dollars to donuts, you have been for quite awhile. You’re allowed to be uncertain. You’re allowed to wonder if you’re overreacting, if things could get better, if you’re being fair. I would question the individual who, outside of extenuating circumstances, is absolutely sure divorce is the answer for them.

These feelings don’t make you weak or indecisive. They make you human. They signal that you have feeling for those around you, that you recognize the enormity of your conclusion.

What you’re going through — this grey, life draining purgatory that exists between “married” and “not married” — is one of the hardest places to be. There’s no clarity…. yet, no path forward, just the weight of a question you know the answer to, but refuse to say.

So before we talk about anything practical, know this: there’s no timer running. You don’t have to figure this out tonight. Find a friend that you can trust, seek a therapist or anybody you can trust to listen to you about you.

Before You Do Anything

When people first start thinking seriously about divorce, they immediately start thinking in terms of attack and defend, to be first, and as such, they often feel an urge to act. To tell someone. To confront their spouse. To move out. To make something happen, because the uncertainty is unbearable.

Resist that urge. This sets the stage for months, even years, of reacting instead of making considered choices in the best interests of yourself and your family.

Here’s why: decisions made in emotional crisis tend to create problems that outlast the crisis itself. The things you say, the accounts you close, the bags you pack — these have consequences that ripple forward into custody disputes, property division, and courtroom credibility. The young ones that give us purpose as mothers and fathers can be deeply injured by an offhand comment, flip gesture, angry curse…..it’s a second to say, and will never be forgotten.

This doesn’t mean you should do nothing forever. It means that right now, your job is to think, to prepare, and to protect yourself — quietly.

What You Should Be Thinking About

If divorce is on your mind, certain practical realities deserve your attention — even if you’re not sure you’ll go through with it.

If You Have Children

Your children are watching, even when you think they’re not. How you handle this — whether it ends in divorce or reconciliation — will shape how they understand conflict, marriage, and resilience for the rest of their lives.

Start thinking about:

• What does their daily life look like? Who takes them to school, helps with homework, puts them to bed?
• What kind of relationship do they have with each parent?
• What would their life look like if you separated? Where would they live? How would holidays work?
• Are there concerns about the other parent’s fitness — substance abuse, mental health, anger, neglect?

You don’t need answers yet. But these questions will matter, and it helps to have thought about them before you’re sitting across from a lawyer or a judge. Keep in mind that children should never be included in legal discussions, financial discussions, visitation negotiations, or in any way placed in the direct conflict between the parents, or exposed to thoughts or opinions about the other parent that may lessen their love and affection. This rule is broken at your peril.

Your Financial Picture

Marriage is an economic partnership, and divorce is its dissolution. The more you understand about your shared financial life, the better positioned you’ll be — whether you stay or go.

Start gathering information about:

• Bank accounts (joint and individual)
• Credit cards and debts
• Retirement accounts, pensions, investments
• Property — house, cars, anything titled
• Income — yours and your spouse’s
• Monthly expenses — what does it actually cost to run your life?

You’re not hiding assets or planning an escape. You’re educating yourself about your own financial reality. Many people, especially those who weren’t the “money person” in the marriage, discover they don’t actually know what they have. That’s a vulnerable position to be in.

Documents You Should Know How to Find

If divorce does happen, you’ll need documentation. It’s much easier to locate these things now, while you still have normal access to the household:

• Tax returns (at least the last three years)
• Pay stubs and employment records
• Mortgage statements, lease agreements
• Vehicle titles and loan documents
• Insurance policies (health, life, auto, home)
• Bank and investment statements
• Credit card statements
• Your children’s records — birth certificates, Social Security cards, medical records, school information

You don’t have to collect everything today. Get a scanner app for your phone, make copies of anything important. If things turn contentious later, access can become a problem, and you will already have copies.

Your Living Situation

One of the most common questions people have is: Should I move out?

The answer is almost always: Not yet, and not without legal advice.

Leaving the marital home can have consequences for custody and property division. It can be used against you. It can affect your children’s stability. And once you’re out, getting back in is complicated.

There are exceptions — if you’re in danger, if staying is genuinely unbearable, if there’s abuse. But as a general rule, don’t make a move this significant without understanding the implications.

Your Support System

Divorce is not a solo journey. You’ll need people — and not just a lawyer.

Think about:

• Who can you talk to honestly about what you’re going through?
• Do you have family or friends who can provide practical support?
• Have you considered individual therapy? (Not couples counseling — that’s a different question. Therapy for you, to process what you’re feeling and make clearer decisions.)
• Are there people in your life who’ve been through this and can share what they learned?

You don’t have to tell everyone. In fact, discretion is wise at this stage. But isolation makes everything harder. Find your people.

What NOT to Do

People in crisis make predictable mistakes. Here are the ones I see most often:

Don’t announce your intentions prematurely. Telling your spouse “I’m thinking about divorce” before you’ve prepared can trigger a defensive response — hidden assets, preemptive legal action, attempts to control the narrative with children or family. If you’re going to have that conversation, be ready for what comes after.

Don’t vent on social media. Anything you post can and will be used against you. That cryptic status update, that angry subtweet, that photo at the bar — it’s all discoverable. Assume opposing counsel is watching.

Don’t make major financial moves. Don’t drain accounts, run up debt, or make large purchases. Courts notice, and it creates problems.

Don’t use your children as messengers or allies. Whatever you’re feeling about your spouse, your children need to be protected from the middle of it. They are not your confidants, your spies, or your emotional support. They’re kids.

Don’t assume your spouse will be reasonable. Maybe they will be. But plan for the possibility that they won’t. People change when marriages end — sometimes into versions of themselves you didn’t know existed.

Louisiana: What You Should Know

If you’re in Louisiana, there are a few state-specific realities worth understanding early:

Community Property. Louisiana is a community property state. Generally, anything acquired during the marriage belongs to both spouses equally, regardless of whose name is on it. There are exceptions — inheritance, gifts, property owned before marriage — but the default is 50/50. This affects everything from the house to retirement accounts.

Waiting Periods. Louisiana requires a waiting period before a divorce can be finalized. If you have minor children, you must live separate and apart for 365 days. Without minor children, it’s 180 days. There’s also an expedited process if adultery or abuse is involved, but that comes with its own requirements.

No-Fault Divorce. You don’t have to prove wrongdoing to get divorced in Louisiana. Living separate and apart for the required period is sufficient. However, fault (adultery, abuse, felony conviction) can still affect spousal support and, in some cases, custody.

Custody Standards. Louisiana courts decide custody based on the “best interest of the child.” That sounds simple, but it encompasses a wide range of factors — the child’s relationship with each parent, stability, any history of abuse or substance issues, and sometimes the child’s own preference. There’s no automatic presumption favoring mothers or fathers.

When to Talk to a Lawyer

You might think you should only call a lawyer when you’re sure. That’s not true.

A consultation isn’t a commitment. It’s information. It’s understanding your rights, your options, and what the process would actually look like if you moved forward. Many people find that talking to a lawyer reduces their anxiety, because the unknown becomes known.

You should consider reaching out if:

• You’re thinking about divorce but don’t know where to start
• You want to understand the financial implications before making any decisions
• You’re worried about your children and what custody might look like
• You suspect your spouse may already be preparing (talking to lawyers, moving money, acting differently)
• You just need someone to answer questions, confidentially, without judgment

A good family law attorney won’t pressure you to file. They’ll help you see the landscape clearly so you can make your own decision — whatever that decision turns out to be.

You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers

If you’ve read this far, you’re doing something hard. You’re facing a question that most people spend years avoiding. That takes courage, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You may not know what you want yet. You may not know what’s best. You may be hoping someone can just tell you what to do.

I can’t do that. No one can. This is your life, your marriage, your family.

But I can tell you that you don’t have to figure it out alone. That there are people who’ve walked this path before and can help you navigate it. That the uncertainty you’re feeling right now is not permanent — eventually, things will become clearer.

And when you’re ready to take the next step, whatever that step is, we’re here.

Jay Diamond is a family law attorney at Diamond Law LLC in New Orleans, Louisiana. He represents clients in divorce, custody, and family law matters across Orleans Parish and the surrounding areas. If you’re thinking about divorce and want to understand your options, you can schedule a confidential consultation by calling (504) 930-4988 or visiting diamondlawnola.com.